Nightly Walk with Fresh Snow

Here are some pics from my walk in the snow tonight around my neighborhood.


I love the color of those leaves.


The light is amazing through this ice.


I love clouds, these snow clouds are a different color than rain clouds.


A neighbors old truck.


A pretty neighbor's house.


Bush destroyed by snow and a view of the valley.


The wilderness trail near my house.


I think today is the last day that my flowers will bloom.

Snow Shoeing

I have my beautiful new German scarf wrapped around my neck, and I can't help but think about snow shoeing. Snowshoeing up the mountain from my backyard or maybe even driving up the turquoise trail on the other side of the mountain. Sure it won't be as nice as all those winters on Mt. Rainer with dad, just outside of Seattle, but New Mexico will have a very white winter this year from the looks of it. I also am daydreaming about snowshoeing in Montana, not as a weekend thing, but as a job that I just caught a glimpse of. I've been at this job for two years, and even though it makes me a lot of money, I'm unhappy with it. It's made me fat, and I'm sitting in an office now even. They fly me all over the country and I just drive pick up trucks around all day, then get a large per deim to eat out three times a day. I remember when I would hike for miles everyday just to do my job. I miss being poor, not always knowing where my next meal is coming from because I have to pay rent. There are some beautiful momements in being poor, and a well toned body in occasional starvation.

Very Sick

Some horrible virus hit me so suddenly, it felt like I was hit by a bus. I was barely able to drive home from the doctors office and spent most of a morning online corporate work meeting drooling on my desk. I have a fever, headache, cough, severe chills that made me put on a coat and sweatshirt, a nauseated feeling, and the worst body aches (that hit by a bus feeling). I can't remember ever feeling so sick, except a few times during childhood. I still can't drink that Hawaiian Punch, because I threw it up as a kid, even the smell of it grosses me out.

It might be the H1N1 virus, the Doctors said. You would think they would test everyone to see if it is that for sure, but they don't. Everyone in my family dropped like flies with this virus. It started with my sister, who works in a gas station, then me, then her four kids. At least I don't have to worry about getting everyone else sick anymore.

Thinking in Colors

Sometimes I think in colors. That is instead of thoughts, words or pictures, I just see a bright yellow or a medium blue. It is like a brush painting over glass on the window of my mind. I think they are triggered by emotions, or maybe a image of something significant flashes through my mind then blurs till I just see the color. Right now I had a flash of blue being spilled onto red, not completely covering it, drips of the blue running down the sides of the red. Weird huh? Sometimes the colors have shapes but are too blurry to make out, like I took off my glasses or contacts.

Dancing Stick Figures and Post-its

I was down in Brownsville, TX again last week, driving my pickup through the small downtown streets when I saw this weight loss ad. It showed the outlines of three women, one was fat, the other a little skinnier, and the last one slim and voluptuous. The slim one popped off the ad into my head and started moving, dancing really. Her pencil drawn legs started twirling around artistically, then a stripper pole appeared in my head and she went from a ballerina to pole dancer. It was the weirdest thing! Then I imagined myself drawing it all out on some post-it notes, so I can flip the pages and make the image really come to life.

Since then though, it has happened a few more times, usually inspired by music in my car. I pictured two stick figures dancing to a country song, and even saw two pairs of cowboy boots and hats on them when the were moving. He was twirling her around quickly to the beat of the song. Then I imagined a stick figure with a covered face belly dancing to my Shakira CD. My work has a lot of post-its lying around. One of these boring days, I just might turn them into small booklets of animated art.

Loney by Choice

This is a period of deep thought for me, and if you are one of my friend's reading this, sorry if I've pushed you away in the last several weeks. Sometimes it is hard having everyone, including your junior high friends, see what you do all day and look at your new photos. I feel a deep loneliness, but a desire to recoil from everyone at the same time. It would be nice to have a beagle to keep me company. I guess I don't want any one's opinion on what I should do in my life right now, or for them to be updated on what I'm doing. I feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions, my past and my present.

I never knew I could have such deep heartache, maybe I've never really experienced love before. There is a love that grows through the years, with the one you promised to spend your life with, a familiar comfortable love, but it isn't the same. New thoughts, new plans swirling around in my head, and I don't even want to look at any of my online sites or talk to anyone. I just feel strange.

So what can I do, but read, write, and bake? I love all three.